Then we were in summer break with the two of them 1.5 hours apart.
During this time, we watched our son not attend our family functions for fear of how mad she would get.
And two, he would have to enforce distance between them. (Note: I later learned she had already told her parents of him before she introduced herself). Fast forward again, at the end of summer break he ended it.
She demanded all attention from everyone. He just knew it was what he wanted. no breaks ! No matter what he did to show his affection is was met with a "thanks, but next time can you do this?"
The “young and in love” thing is really sweet—it is good to know my boys can be considerate and silly and tender, different from the rougher versions I typically observe. But the reality is that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 4 guys will be in an abusive relationship at some point in their lives. He realized with time away that he cares for her but is certain he does not love her. This young man has to be what? Once he returned to college after the holiday, we were advised she was texting him again. How nice is that? I was determined that the next time I was going to play it cool.
He may get out of this relationship and quickly dig a parallel trench with the next clingy women that identifies him as low hanging fruit. Does the young man want to please the clingy girlfriend or the demanding controlling mother? But you can only ever change yourself. Probably. That's 1500 words about a relationship that isn't even the mother's. My suggestion is for your son to get into individual therapy immediately.
Update: and she breaks up with him …
He wanted to be able to discuss face to face what went wrong. Without the support of a good therapist, I am worried that your son will continue to have an extremely difficult time negotiating this relationship. Do young people occasionally have dysfunctional relationships? They remember to text me on my birthday and offered me comfort when my father died, attending his funeral and Shiva. I can see us several months from here in the same situation all over again. (After all, I didn’t know about the dress rental thing.). Sadly, he is the type of person that takes things like this upon his shoulders as a must fix. My son is 23 and in his 3rd relationship - the first was a nice girl, the second was physically and emotionally abusive.
She bashed him on campus and words got to his fraternity that he would be banned from sorority functions where the two would meet, among other things. His friends didn't like her; she was very dependent on him; she was jealous so he could never do any activity or go anyplace without her; she expected much from him for her family but wasn't willing to do the same with his. Answer Save. Favorite Answer. He also told her he really wanted to learn about himself. Micromanipulations: A Narcissist's Method of Control, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, 11 Signs That You May Have High Covid-19 Anxiety, Anxiety and Depression Symptoms Have Risen Dramatically During the Pandemic, Research Finds a Solution for Computer-Screen Glow. It did not end well. My sons’ girlfriends have been present at holiday meals, celebratory dinners, and spent more than one New Year’s Eve with us. Want more like this? You are the one that will find his lost wallet, hear his frustrations at the end of the day and his excitement in the morning. There is so much more I wish I could share but my letter is already so long.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. So do that--examine yourself closely and objectively, without feeling guilty or anxious, and see if there are any changes you can make (giving your son an understanding of life, giving him tools to deal with difficult situations, examining the values you have taught him) to help him.
Give him a chance to extricate himself from this situation THEN see where he goes from there. I had heard this advice from other people, as well. My son met a girl during his junior year at college and we had a chance to meet her when we visited him at school last year.
So, to the frustrated Mother I say, try not to label him or blame him for attracting a crazy. He is under a lot of pressure and anyone in an abusive relationship would be expected to show changes in their usual behavior.